Thursday, September 02, 2004

Burritos at four a.m....and TWINS!

Editor's Note: the following is a parody. It is not in any way, shape, or form meant to represent the actual remarks of the Bush twins to the Republican National Convention on August 30, 2004.
Jenna Bush: It's great to be here. We love Arnold. Isn't he awesome? Thanks to him, if one of us ever decides to marry a Democrat, nobody can complain.

Except maybe our Grandmother, Barbara. And, if she didn't like it, we would definitely hear about it. We already know she doesn't like some of our clothes, or music, or most of the TV shows we watch. Ganny, we love you dearly, but you\'re just not very hip. She thinks "Sex in the City" is something married people do, but never talk about.

We spent the last four years trying to stay out of the spotlight. Sometimes we did a little better than others. We kept trying to explain to Dad that when we were young and irresponsible. Well, we were young and irresponsible.

Barbara Bush: Jenna and I are really not very political, but we love our Dad too much to stand back and watch from the sidelines. We realized that this would be his last campaign, and we wanted to be a part of it. Besides, since we've graduated from college, we're looking around for something to do for the next few years ... kind of like Dad.

Jenna Bush: Our parents always encouraged us to be independent, and to dream big. We've spent a lot of time at the White House, so when we showed up for work the first day, we thought we had it all figured out. But, apparently, my Dad already has a chief of staff ... named Andy.

Barbara Bush: When your Dad's a Republican and you go to Yale, you learn to stand up for yourself. So I knew I wasn't quite ready to be President - but #2 sounded good - who is this man they call Dick Cheney?

Jenna Bush: I think I know a lot about campaigns, after all my Dad and Grandfather have both run for President, so I put myself in charge of Strategy. Then I got an angry call from some guy named... 'Karl'?

Barbara Bush: We knew we had something to offer. I mean, we've traveled the world. We've studied abroad. But, when we started coming home with foreign policy advice, Dad made us call ... Condi?

Jenna Bush: Not to be deterred, we thought surely there's a place for strong willed, opinionated women in communications... and next thing we know, Karen's back! So, we decided the best thing we could do here tonight would be to introduce someone we know and love. You know all those times when you were growing up and your parents embarrassed you? Well, this is payback time ... on LIVE TV!!!

Barbara Bush: Take this... I know it's hard to believe, but our parents favorite term of endearment for each other is actually "Bushie". And, we had a hamster, too let's just say...ours didn't make it.

Jenna Bush: But, contrary to what you might read in the papers... our parents are actually pretty cool. They do know the difference between mono... and Bono. When we tell them we're going to see Outkast, they know it's a band... and not a bunch of misfits. And, if we really beg them, they will even 'Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture'.

Barbara Bush: So, okay - maybe they have learned a little pop culture from us... But, we've learned a lot more from them. About what matters in life. About unconditional love. About focus and discipline. They taught us the importance of a good sense of humor. Of being open-minded and treating everyone with respect. And, we learned the true value of honesty and integrity.

Jenna Bush: When you grow up as the daughters of George and Laura Bush, you develop a special appreciation for how blessed we are to live in this great country. We are so proud to be here tonight to introduce someone who read us bedtime stories, picked up carpool, made us our favorite peanut butter and jelly sandwich and cheered for us when we scored a goal - even when it was for the wrong team.

Barbara Bush: Someone who told us we actually looked "cute" in braces, always welcomed our friends and, was there waiting when we came home at curfew.

Jenna Bush: Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the two most loving, thoughtful people we know

Barbara Bush: Your President ... and, our Dad - GEORGE W. BUSH!

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