I'm just ripping off the Bellona Times in posting this here, but finally a good use for PROLOG has been found.
LOVE ME TENDER
a romantic comedy screenplay by
www.astonishingtales.com
and
MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
FADE IN.
INT. TRENDY CAFE
MEG RYAN is lovelorn and sad. She is complaining to her best friend MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM about the lovelorn and sad state of her life.
MEG RYAN
Oh, MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM, do you think that I will ever find my true love? I am so lovelorn and sad. Surely, you, as my best friend, have some wisdom to offer
MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
So, it's definitely one of those touchdown moments to have captured Saddam Hussein.
MEG RYAN laughs
MEG RYAN
Hahahahahaha. How delightfully witty you are, MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
Suddenly, KEVIN KLINE wanders into the cafe. He accidentally spills a drink on MEG RYAN.
KEVIN KLINE
I'm so sorry.
MEG RYAN
You clumsy jerk, KEVIN KLINE! Why don't you look where you're going?
KEVIN KLINE apologises again and leaves
MEG RYAN
(staring after him)
What a creep.
MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
This actually wasn't too hard when I went through the steps of analysis.
MEG RYAN
Boy you said it, MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM. (sighs) I certainly hope I never see him again.
CUT TO.
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE
ONE WEEK LATER
MEG RYAN and MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM are shopping for new crockery. A message comes over the loudspeakers.
MEG RYAN
What did that just say?
MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
Mussina, and you'd have to normally like the Yanks' chances here.
MEG RYAN
Really? This large department store's management decisions are questionable at best.
She looks up to see KEVIN KLINE standing there. He is the manager of the department store.
KEVIN KLINE
Hello, MEG RYAN. Perhaps you could offer me advice on how to run my store.
MEG RYAN
I don't think so, KEVIN KLINE. I took an instant dislike to you when we first met.
MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
Weaver and/or Hammond have been no shows, obviously relegated to mop-up contingencies.
MEG RYAN
Yes, MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM, good point. So you see, KEVIN KLINE, we can never fall in love.
KEVIN KLINE grins rogueishly.
MEG RYAN
(swooning)
Oh, KEVIN KLINE. I've changed my mind. I do love you.
FADE TO.
INT. MASSAGE PARLOUR.
MEG RYAN and MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM are receiving massages and talking.
MEG RYAN
KEVIN KLINE and I stayed up all night last night just talking. It turns out that we're both enormous fans of Jon Bon Jovi. I feel like I'm in that beautiful Shakespearean love sonnet. You know the one, MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
Gabe White and Osuna have been used strictly situationally, as has Heredia.
MEG RYAN
No, not that one. The other one. Oh, MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM, KEVIN KLINE makes my heart swoon so.
The masseurs start pounding their backs.
MEG RYAN
Oh. That feels good. (pauses) Gee, MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM, I have never felt this way about a man before. Do you have any advice for me?
MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
Getting is generally considered the visionary behind GPS, and Parkinson the architect who helped implement the system.
MEG RYAN
I hope you're right, MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM I'll keep that in mind.
FADE TO.
EXT. A PARK BENCH
MEG RYAN is crying. MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM is consoling her.
MEG RYAN
I can't believe we accidentally saw KEVIN KLINE out with another woman! I thought he loved me. You were closest to the two of them, what was he saying to her?
MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
I mean, really actually mentally unbalanced, not just disconnected with reality.
MEG RYAN bursts into renewed tears. KEVIN KLINE comes running up to them.
MEG RYAN
I don't want to talk to you, KEVIN KLINE. I heard what you were saying to that horrible other woman.
KEVIN KLINE
But MEG RYAN, this is all a ghastly misunderstanding of some kind.
MEG RYAN
Leave me alone. I have a broken heart.
KEVIN KLINE
I guess I will take that job in that other country then.
KEVIN KLINE leaves
MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
The level of paranoia demonstrated in this interview is intensely high.
MEG RYAN
Thank you, MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM. That's just what I needed to hear now that I have a broken heart. No wonder you are my best friend.
CUT TO.
EXT. A ROAD
MEG RYAN and MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM are driving as fast as they can in MEG RYAN's car.
MEG RYAN
Oh, why won't this car go any faster? We have to get to the next train station in time to intercept KEVIN KLINE before he leaves forever.
She accelerates.
MEG RYAN
If only I'd got his letter that explained how our breaking up was all just a ghastly misunderstanding sooner. Read me the PS again, MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
(reading)
It's really difficult to imagine the circumstances that brought people out.
MEG RYAN
I still don't understand what he meant by that.
They drive faater and faster and eventually make it to the train station in time. They rush onto the train and find KEVIN KLINE.
MEG RYAN
Oh, KEVIN KLINE please don't go away forever. I got your letter which eplained the ghastly misunderstanding. I now understand why you did what you did. And... I love you.
KEVIN KLINE
And I love you, MEG RYAN
They kiss. They are in love.
MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM
They described the roof as 'slimy,' and found evidence that some mold was growing and multiplying.
KEVIN KLINE and MEG RYAN
You said it, MATTWALL.BLOGSPOT.COM. You said it.
THE END
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