Write Your Own Best-Seller!

In contemplating how to sell my novel, I had occasion to peruse the New York Times Bestseller list, which in our local paper is rather conveniently located next to the sunday crossword, so when I'm stuck on a clue I can take a break and see what the rest of America is reading.

The thought occurs that when writing a book, the single most-important sentence is the one-sentence tag line that will end up on the best sellers' list -- perhaps analogous to the one-line pitch for a screenplay? In any event, I came up with ten sure-fire best-selling novel ideas by re-arranging the subject, verb, and objects of the current ten best-sellers. I have made up titles on my own for them, but I've appended the original titles at the bottom in case you want to do the Frankenstein thing and try to resurrect the originals from parts. (This way you have a complete set.)

THE GENEALOGIST
A woman's quest to learn about her family disrupts the world of a man believed to be a serial killer.

ART SCHOOL
The murder of a curator at the Louvre involves research into a plantation owner's daughter.

HIDDEN DEPTHS
Things go terribly awry when a lifeguard takes hostages connected to a centuries-old secret society.

TWO'S A CROWD
Dillon Savitch and Lacey Sherlock may be pregnant.

INTERNEE
A hospital patient takes part in a terror ring.

MONTHLY CURSE
An unhappily married woman swears vengeance against Vlad the Impaler and Dracula.

THE JURASSIC PARADOX FACTOR
A Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton is trapped in a cabin to make a political point.

SUNDAY SUPPLEMENT
A magazine editor discovers a violent couple.

THE PENSIONERS
Two intelligence agents pursue a $5 million heist.

SOUTHERN DISCOMFORT
The hunt for a troubled debutante turns deadly.

OK, get typin'.

(Original titles: Lifeguard, The Interruption of Everything, Without Mercy, Sweetwater Creek, Chill Factor, The Historian, Vanish, The Davinci Code, Point Blank. I suppose if you've read enough of them you'd be able to match titles with S, V, and O....good luck with that.